At what point…?

At what point do you leave a table where you are no longer wanted?
This question has come from clients and colleagues and I have found myself asking it at times as well. Perhaps these scenarios ring familiar:

* You are the lone voice on issues. You see things differently than others in the room. You feel passionate about an injustice or a solution to a challenge but you find yourself alone in your perspective and your voice falls on deaf ears.

* You are cut out of key conversations. Others seem to know information you do not. Sidebar meetings are happening outside the 'regular' meeting that leave you without information and feeling like you are missing something.

* You get the cold shoulder. You aren't sure why or what happened but there's a shift in relationships and the warmth you once felt has left.

Sound familiar? So what happens when your place at the table is no longer a comfortable place to sit? How do you determine when to stay and when to go?

🚫 Consider the greater implications. Why are you at this table and what do you hope to contribute or achieve? Examine the motivation for your being present and consider whether that motivation is still valid. Hurt feelings or feeling excluded or out of sorts is uncomfortable, but that alone is not enough reason to leave the table.

🚫 If you find yourself speaking truth that rights a wrong, or if you speak for the voiceless, or if you impart wisdom that needs to be heard, who will be there to speak when you leave? Consider fully the consequences to those around the table and those you speak for before you abandon your post.

🚫 Write down the pros and cons. Identify how you benefit and what you sacrifice to be at the table. Outline how your voice benefits the organization and identify any negative implications to your being at the table. Be honest and thoughtful in your compilation.

🚫 Share your struggle with two or three confidantes or mentors who know you well. Be honest and willingly receive the advice they have to offer.

The people dynamics are among the hardest challenges in our collective community work. Consider that you may be planted at this table for such a time as this. But, if after full consideration the cons outweigh the pros, and if you feel more relief then regret at the thought of walking away, consider finding a table where your approach, your gifts and experiences can contribute and be received.

-Mindy Muller, CFRE, President/CEO of CDP

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