Excerpts Series: Difficult Personalities in the Workplace
In this post from The Excerpts Series we will highlight the background of this training. There is some cross-over between two of our trainings, Personalities in the Workplace and Difficult Personalities in the Workplace, however they fit hand in glove. If you’d like to take this full training (only $69 for non-members) click the image at right. Or if you like to examine Personalities in the Workplace, click HERE.
Our goal in this training, Difficult Personalities in the Workplace, is to help you create a healthy, positive work environment. We have found several uncomplicated methods to tackle the challenges that come with difficult personalities. All of these will help us move toward a more positive working environment.
When it comes to personalities, I’m not going to change you and you’re not going to change me — that is NOT our goal. For instance, one of the tenets that we really believe is that personalities are hardwired. I didn’t get to choose my base personality nor did you get to choose yours.
“Personalities are hardwired.”
Personalities are woven into who we were created to be and how we experience the world we are in. As created beings there’s some hardwiring that we can’t really control.
One example I use for me personally is that I am naturally an introvert. I wish that I had more of an extrovert quality in me, because much of my job depends on me interacting with other people. But because I am introverted it requires me to refresh alone. I need alone time. I need down time in order to re-energize and get my battery up and going. I would change that about myself if I could, but that’s just how I’m wired.
That’s just one element of a personality, but we need to remember that our personality traits are hardwired into us — a part of who we are.
And the same is true for those we are working with. Basic personality traits are just how we’re created. Again, they are hardwired — unable to be changed. However some of our behaviors and the behaviors we see in others are able to be managed.
For instance, just because my personality is hardwired a certain way does not give me the excuse to behave poorly. I can still manage my behavior.
If we consider that personality traits are hardwired, we can see that some inclinations are needs, not wants. My introverted personality might really want to go off by myself for a couple of days, when what I need is an hour to refresh and rejuvenate and re-energize at the end of the day. Some of the things that we have to do in terms of our personality or some of the responses that we have regarding how we were created come from a point of need, not just wants. We need to recognize that about ourselves and about others.
Another tenet that we talk about in regards to personality is that most behavior in the work environment is reactive, not personal. One of the tendencies we have, especially when we talk about difficult people in our work environment, is that we tend to personalize their behavior when oftentimes it’s really not personal. They’re not always reacting to something that I’ve said or trying to be offensive to me personally. They are reacting out of their personality.
“Most behavior in the work environment is reactive, not personal.”
When dealing with a difficult situation in the workplace, if I can default to remembering:
Your personality is hardwired; Your behavior is reactive to your personality, it’s not generally personal to me; You’re not trying to offend me; You’re not trying to be difficult;
this will help alleviate some of the tension and the “feelings”.
I have to remind myself of this tenet often: “Most behavior — not all — but most behavior is reactive, not personal.” When I do this, I can diffuse tension. Before I jump to the thought that someone is intentionally being difficult, I want to go to this tenet first in my mind.
Behavior can be managed. We will talk about ways that behavior can be managed a little later in this training. Remember, it’s not an excuse to have bad behavior just because I have a certain personality. Knowing my personality is a way of understanding why I might have a certain reaction, but I am responsible for how I behave.
The main point here is to maintain a pleasant and successful working environment. This is our goal. It’s what we want out of this session and out of the people we are working with — a pleasant and successful working environment.
In order for that to happen, I need to be focusing on helping other people — focusing on other people while controlling our own behavior. We need to work together, collectively toward a successful working environment. Many times it requires me to put my own preferences aside and focus on helping others.
If we can understand people’s personalities, if we get to know them in a work environment, most people are predictable with how they are going to respond. Not always, but mostly. When I have someone that is a particular personality type, I can almost predict how they’re going to respond to something. I can anticipate their reaction and that is helpful.
“Focus on the behavior, not on the person.”
A really important piece that you will hear me say more than once over this time together today is that we really need to focus on the behavior, not on the person. We need to avoid assassinating a person’s personality and instead focus on a behavior that can be managed. Focus on the behavior, not on the person.
If difficult behaviors can be managed, then it’s a win for everyone. It’s a win for me — the person that’s trying to deal with this difficult personality. It’s a win for the person that has a difficult personality because we’re going to learn how to cooperate. It’s a win-win. And that makes our environment a place that we can successfully work. We’re not dreading it. It’s not tension filled.
That’s really where we’re headed when we talk about this subject of managing difficult personalities.
I love this particular quote:
“Define the problem as a person and you’re in trouble; define it as a behavior and you can do something.”
We know behaviors can be managed. So that’s what we’re going to focus on. Defining the trouble, the issues, the problems, the difficulties — we’re going to define those in terms of behavior, not in terms of the person who may be presenting with these behaviors.
