Question:

Have I offended you? We need to get comfortable with the question. I am amazed at how often people are offended by others unbeknownst to the offender. A cold shoulder, the silent treatment, a dirty look, brevity of responses...sometimes these are the only indicators that something is amiss.

I recently encountered a situation where I received the brush off. I thought our relationship was a cordial one...friendly even. Previous encounters had been positive and warm but something had shifted. "Have I offended you" was the lifeline I threw out. She was indeed offended and I was able to apologize and right the wrong. In this case the offense was second hand -- she was told I said something that I had not, but it still created an offense we needed to get past. Without the question, there was no resolution.

In the day we are in, it seems so many people walk around offended. We have chips on our shoulders and anger brewing under the rim. We see plenty of examples of this on social media or on the drive to work. Sometimes we are guilty of stoking the fire instead of putting it out. As I seek to not offend others I commit to:

✔ Prioritize peace in relationships. Scripture says that "As much as it depends on you, live peaceably with others." When I experience the cold shoulder, I should seek to understand where it's coming from and make peace in the relationship.

✔ Own my stuff. Perhaps I didn't intend to offend the other person or hurt their feelings. Perhaps I was having a rough day or under stress when the offense occurred. Whatever the case, I want to make it a practice to take responsibility for the part I played, apologize and seek to learn from it.

✔ Communicate with transparency, humility and intentionality. I want to develop a habit of better communication. As an introvert I spend a great deal of time in my own head and that can be challenging on the communication front. I want to say what I mean, say all I should say and say it in a way that expresses my thoughts and feelings accurately. Perhaps there will always be misquotes or circumstances where my words are misinterpreted and feelings are hurt. But, I want to strive to communicate with excellence.

So if I offend you, please tell me. If others have offended you, tell them. If I suspect there's offense, I'll ask the question "Have I offended you." Join me in seeking to build strong relationships through effective communication and diminishing the power of the offense by shining the light on it.

-Mindy Muller, CFRE, President/CEO of CDP

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