Trust your gut.
Personalities and the people-y stuff are among the greatest challenges we face in our work, right? Nonprofits attract many people to join in the work on boards, as volunteers and as staff. Most people are how they present themselves to be and are well-intentioned but there are also those who show themselves to be toxic. To quote my friend, Carla, "I don't have pictures and tapes,' but often we know something is just not right in our gut. When in doubt, trust your instincts and watch for these toxic personality dynamics:
Covert operatives. They weasel their way in to gain your confidence. They appear to be well-intentioned at first glance. They use flattery and backward compliments. They create confusion. Words don't match actions. They are passive aggressive and lie very easily. They are often the victim or the hero of the story. They can be hard to detect because they are more reserved in their approach. When you do recognize the personality dynamic, remove them from key positions where they get insider information that they can misuse. Set a boundary and keep it.
Steppers. They will stop at nothing to get to the top. They use, abuse, malign, and offend to make their way into positions of power and influence. They have unnerving amounts of bravado and charismatic persuasion. They will lie, steal and cheat without hesitation. They mostly have shallow and transactional relationships rather than friendships. It can be attractive to use their extroverted nature and smooth tongue to do tasks like donor development or social engagements on behalf of the organization. The stepper will cause harm and misuse your mission to gain trust. If you recognize these tendencies in someone in your charge, confront the behavior and move them out of positions of power and control.
Parasites. They suck the life out of their prey. They live off the success, attention and influence of others. They align themselves with people in position and appear to be helpful or good listeners. They appear to be on your team, believe the same way you do and fighting for the same cause, but they are chameleons. They promise to do tasks or talk a big game but in the end they accomplish little. They are interested in attention and credit but without doing any work. Remove the parasite from your circle.
Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right about someone, figure out why. If two or three people are telling you similar tales about someone, take the concern seriously and do your research. Most people are blessings to our work, but be watchful and shrewd so you aren't taken by surprise by toxic personalities.
-Mindy Muller, CFRE, President/CEO of CDP
