How do you see yourself?
Two things that seem to be universally true (at least most of the time). We root for the good guys to win; and, we always see ourselves as the good guy.
I encountered a difficult dynamic in an organization recently. Two different people had very different remembrances of conversations, events and decisions that had occurred. They were angry, hurt, and embittered. Both seemed well-intentioned and sincere and both insisted their position and recounting of events is correct. They both saw themselves as the good guy and their adversary as the bad guy. As I think about how common this dynamic is and how disruptive it can be in the work environment, perhaps we can consider this:
Reflect on the facts. Write them down and reflect on them. Facts are not how you feel or what you thought. Facts have nothing to say about what should have been done. Facts are objective, not subjective. Ask yourself if an objective observer would report the 'facts' the way you do?
Outline any conjecture. Where have you filled in the narrative with what you imagine to be true? Where have you woven the facts into a storyline where you are the hero or the victim? Where are you drawing conclusions about what he/she may have said or done outside of what you KNOW to be true? Be very clear about what you SURMISE to be true and what you KNOW to be true.
Consider other explanations. When you put together the objective facts are there any plausible explanations where the other is NOT the bad guy? Could there be a misunderstanding? Miscommunication? Bad assumption? Is it POSSIBLE?
Consider you might be wrong. Did you react to an assumption? Did you put together the wrong story or create an account that pushed beyond the bounds of facts? Is it possible that you acted out of hurt feelings or overspoke or perhaps behaved less nobly than you should have?
We all want to be the good guy, and hopefully, for the most part we are. But in professional (and personal) relationships we have to do our part to consider the facts carefully and move toward a more disciplined approach to maintaining our relationships.
-Mindy Muller, CFRE, President/CEO of CDP
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